20 November 2014

Other stuff : When I've got a cold

Slippers: check. Telly: check. Silly Christmas loungewear:
check. Tassled blanket for extra self-pity: check.

Bah humbug.

Obviously having got all overly-enthusiastic about Christmas I now have to write about one of the utterly rubbish things about this time of year: colds.

The common (and by common I mean the not-unusual-but-nonetheless-exquisitely-miserable) cold.

Littlest and Biggest are on the mend from their lurgies, thanks to large doses of antibiotics, which is excellent. The Middle-size one (that's me, although I may upgrade myself to House-size over the coming weeks), however, now has a stinking cold. I HATE having a cold. On the plus side, it's about the illest I ever really get; on the minus side, it's pants. Mornings, evenings and nights are so full of gunk and throbbing sinuses that there are only a few hours in the middle of the day to get anything done.

What I have realised is that every single time I get a bad cold, I say/moan about exactly the same things, which must be delightful for those around me. So I'm putting them in a list, and then maybe this time next year (because mid-late November appears to be the moment our entire household plunges head-first into germs) I'll just refer back to this post and won't need to say any of it.

1 : "If we could only work out how to harness the power of snot, we'd have no energy worries ever again. I alone could power a small country."
I'm pretty sure this is my standard Facebook status update when I'm ill and it's the only Twitter update I've bothered with this week. I know it's a ridiculous, but- what if it worked, hey? What if it could actually work?!

2 : "If we can <insert latest scientific/technological breakthrough here>, why can't we cure the COMMON COLD?"*
Current example: "If we can land a probe on a comet 510 million kilometres from earth which is moving at speeds of 135,000 kmph, why can't we cure the COMMON COLD?".
*This in any case is a moot point because inevitably a cure for the common cold, had it been discovered, wouldn't be deemed safe for pregnant women to take anyway. Much like every other cold remedy. I say it again: Bah humbug.

3 : "I will never take my nose for granted again."
Noses. Wow. They are AMAZING. The ability to suck great loads of air through those nostrils- whilst similtaneously filtering out all the nasties you don't want in your body (aside from cold germs, clearly)- is just fantastic. You're probably reading this bit thinking, 'my nose? Yeah, whatever, it's just there doing what it's doing. Move on,' but trust me, when your nose is unable to do what it does- not just that brilliant breathing thing but the glorious sense of smell it also provides- you will appreciate it a whole lot more. So just take a brief moment, right now, to love your nose. Go on.
Of course, as soon as it's all working again I will just carry on disliking it's general size and shape and totally take it for granted.

4 : "I will never take my sense of taste for granted again."
This is one of the few, utterly depressing occasions where even comfort eating isn't going to help because YOU CAN'T TASTE ANYTHING. Including chocolate.
Bring it on Armageddon; I'm done for.
In theory this should mean that I can sit down with a giant plate of healthy steamed veg or a salad or a food that has enormous nutritional value but zero flavour and not mind, but of course I don't. I live in hope of something breaking through the taste barrier, and so far have only succeeded with jalapeno peppers (thus: pizza) and a really hot curry. Good pregnancy diet.

5 : "You have no idea how bad I'm feeling because you're not PREGNANT!"
Obviously having just been quite ill Husband is trying to be sympathetic and supportive by saying "I know how you feel", but no. No, you don't. Aside from the fact that my cold is clearly worse than yours (don't argue- I'm pregnant) I am also- did I forget to mention it?- pregnant and therefore most of the remedies that make a cold just about bearable are not available to me. I have paracetamol, and hot water with honey and lemon. Woo flipping hoo.
(Clearly this one is only applicable during certain times of my life and probably- nervous laugh- won't be usable this time next year. But it's worth mentioning if only so you feel some sympathy for my poor long-suffering husband.)

An utterly pointless list. Anyone got a nice little list of top natural remedies for easing a cold suitable for pregnant women? Anyone? Anyone?!

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